So today I went out looking for a house again with my friends and we think we have found one that will meet all of our needs. It even has a dishwasher, Jacuzzi jet tub, and a really nice sized basement. Fingers crossed that we can try and sign papers for it tomorrow. I even got an interview tomorrow to hopefully go back into teaching. I missed being able to do things and go places so this new found freedom is actually pretty nice. On August 21st there is a total solar eclipse and my boyfriend and I are driving 2 states over to see it in full. Super excited.
Only downside to this trip for the eclipse… I have to get all of my school work done 3 days early because I will not have time or internet to do so. I am looking at 2 long chapters, 2 discussions, 6 responses, and a paper on Human Memory. I can do it though.
I have also realized that between proper dosing of cannabis and this blog, I have a form of peace. I feel much better being able to type out everything that I need to. I can even look at how I am coping and act from it. I really hope that this continues because I know that therapy never truly helped me other than give me coping mechanisms. By this point, I am fairly sure I know just about every mechanism and it is more about using them than struggling to figure them out. It is peculiar however that I am doing better writing a blog because I never did well with journals but, I will not complain.
Thanks for reading.
I have tried many coping mechanisms in my life but, today I thought to change one of my mechanisms slightly. I got really upset and started going for a walk. Now, this is something that I do quite often but instead of aimless walking and getting myself lost to make myself find my way back, I turned around at the halfway point. I walked until I found the road that I recognized had a park. At the park, I realized that there was a large area of grass, flowers, and a few trees. I sat down under a really nice shady tree in the grass and made myself breathe. With each deep breath, I tried to get myself out of my head and on the nature around me. While I did this, I started picking up blades of grass and tying them around a small stick that I found. I got about 3/4ths of the stick covered before I started to come back to the present. First, I noticed the wind; it was quite brisk but it smelled really good; there was the smell of freshly cut grass, cookouts, and the residual smell of rain. Then, I noticed children playing and the sound of laughter. Children’s laughter is a wonderful thing for me and it made me instantly feel a little better. Next, the grass made itself known underneath me. It was cool and soft with just enough give to remain comfortable. The soil was also cool and still slightly damp but, I didn’t mind it much. I then turned my eyes to the flowers. There were 3 different kinds: little white flowers, small purple flowers, and some yellow flowers that looked like small bundles of bells. They were very pretty littered through the grass and clovers. At this point, I began to pick the flowers and make a small flower wreath that I then put on before lying in the grass. It was very comfortable and it made me think of nature and how we almost never take time to pay attention. I recalled back to my favorite place when I was a child; it was a small pool of water that had a waterfall with a cave under it surrounded by trees. This area was my favorite escape because although it was in the middle of the neighborhood, you could not hear anything but the sound of the waterfall and subsequent brook. It was heavenly. By this point, I felt much better and was able to walk on home. Thank goodness for nature and the sound of laughing children.
Thanks for reading